October 2010

Hello there cute.

It is Friday night. Long work week. Tired.

You had fun with pumpkins today ... and baby chicks.

One of your favorite movies is Fly Away Home where the main character learns to fly, and saves two or three gaggles (when walking) of Geese by training them on routes that lead from North Carolina to Quebec .. I think.

You long to fly. I am working on designing you wings.

In this picture you look to be saying in your eyes "I could be Amy". These could be my geese. I love the fierce adventure that you have here

They are baby chicks.. but I don't think that makes much of a difference to you. I think you would walk around saying "hey hey hey" and they would .. maybe follow you. You would like it if they did follow you. I hope that when you are fully grown, the passion, intelligence, and life that I see in you now - that you inherit from your mommy so amazingly well .. I hope it you are every bit the parent you can be. I love you mini-girl. You are growing up so big and aren't the tiny little creature that I held in my hands and your feet didn't even come to my elbows. You are so very big.

So your friends Daughters of Mike L. are having a "Gateway to Godly womanhood" tea party. They asked for "written advice" but i don't know what to say. I have been asking around.

It is such a blessing to have been able to ask for and get such wonderful answers. Thank you Luci for the question to ask. It gives me good hope about my daughter. I am still compiling answers, but here are some of them. The following is my current take on the matter:

My mom says about Godly womanhood:

• it is the best gift you can give the world, and the best gift you can give yourself.
• It must be done daily - isn't an event, its a process
• It must be done wholly. This is a place where there is no shades of gray - only black and white.

My sister Veronica says about Godly womanhood:

• The kind of person you are makes the world you live in. If you are a liar - you think everyone is a liar, and act from the belief that everyone is a liar. If you are honest then you look at people honestly and can evaluate them by their actions. People who look up to you - those you mentor, your siblings, when you are an adult - those that you take under your wing, your friends, your spouse, and even your children and transformed for the better or worse by it. Your perceptions drive your actions and your actions impact the world. So being a godly woman defines .. the color of glasses that you see the world through ... and because you see the world that way .. those glasses become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• The kind of person you are makes can constrain or liberate who you are able to see God as being. If you are a liar .. then everyone is a liar .. and you falsely perceive God to be a liar. If you are honest, and honestly and fairly appraise others, then you can honestly and fairly appraise God. When my daughter is scared she runs to me because she knows I am strong, and she knows that I am trustworthy - I will protect her. Because she runs to me she gives me opportunity to work for her good that I would not otherwise have. If she thought I was horrible, or untrustworthy .. she could not avail herself of my strength, of my love for her, and my fierce passionate desire to bless her. Exact same thing goes for God.
• This is true not only for lying vs. honesty ... but for every component of Godliness. If you are a miser - then God is. If you are generous by nature and live to serve others to the maximum of their ability to receive healthy blessing (some people have a max good after which your generosity becomes a curse to them) .. then God is that to you. If you ever get into game theory ... there is a whole open field of science here relating to tit-for-tat or tit-for-two-tats ... beautiful but nerdly stuff.
• Teenage boys are driven by hormonal pressures that you cannot possibly understand - and can not trust. Do not trust teenage boys, or boys who are motivated by hormones ... they will break your hearts .. and other parts of your self. (Personally I say their brains do not congeal/biochemically exit puberty until after they are 24-ish, some their person stops being as much in transition around then. If they are good you can trust them to stay good, if bad then you can trust them to stay bad.. before that .. notsomuch can you trust who they are.)

A coworker named Alia had these insights into godly womanhood.

• Character is more important than ability.
• Avoid situations where you will be tempted to do things you do not want to do. It is easier to avoid the temptation than to reject it when it is in front of you. Avoiding it is just as godly as saying no to the temptation.
• All beauty fades. Spend your energy on things that will last: character, love, friendship, and godliness.
• What the world sells as love - is not love - it is selfishness. Love is not a feeling, or passion - it is action, doing what is best for the other person. You will know that a man loves you when he treats you with respect.
• God made you to be you. Don't try to be someone else. Embrace the person that God made you.
• Yes, you can change the world - do it with God.

My friend, and one of the coolest materials engineering guys I have ever met, Lynn gave me this:

Something I told my own daughter. Eve is defined in the Eden account as being Adam’s “Yetzer Knegdo”, translated by the old English word “Helpmeet” some 500 years ago. I have no idea what helpmeet meant back then, but only one other being is called a Yetzer Knegdo – the Holy Spirit of Jehovah. It is best translated from the Hebrew as “Strong Helper”.

It is the nature of men to engage in the fight. It is the nature of women not to. Unless. Unless their own are threatened. When this happens, the fight is not a game. No quarter may be expected from the mama bear. In the fight against evil in a family, the man is the forward troops, but the woman is the reserve troops. She is to be jealously guarded, and not put in jeopardy trivially. She is to be provisioned generously, and trained meticulously. This is not because she is weak or ineffective, it is because if she is ever called on, the situation is dire, and should she fail, all will be lost.

My friend Gloria W. said this:

• I would tell her to guard her heart, eyes, mind, and tongue against anything that would rob her of her purity…and I don’t mean only virginity.
• I would tell her to meditate on Philippians 4:8-9 daily. I would encourage her to strive always to bring forth the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-26).

My friend Nancy J. said this:

• If you think you are beautiful, then you are. If you think your spouse is wonderful, then they are. If you think life is terrible, then it is. If you think you are highly blessed, then you are.
• Guard your thoughts. God wants us to think positive thoughts, of the wonderful blessings he has provided us. Even when things aren't going so well, God wants us to think about how wonderful our life is. Do not wallow in a pity party.
• You are where you are because of you choices in your life. God does a lot of orchestrating, but he gives us the ability to chose certain paths. So choose carefully and with wisdom.

My friend Jeremy L. said this:

• I’d say that there’s a road/trap that many women fall into or travel down intentionally that looks for love/purpose in the arms of men—mainly because they have not felt godly secure love from their father, who doesn’t talk about their beauty and appreciate it. If you go that route, many men may try to use you to their advantage. When you are truly Christ-centered, seeing your beauty only in Him, then you may be in a position to share your beauty with just one man that He will bring in His time. And you may need to be prepared to wait a bit.

My friend Elizabeth N. said this:

• The only time that you need to make a decision immediately is in a life or death emergency.. these are few and far between (and hormonal issues are never life or death emergencies). Take time to think about decisions, and the consequences of those decisions before you act. Some decisions have far reaching consequences that can change your life- for the better or worse. Also.. any young man that tells you "don't think.. just feel" is not a young man who you should be trusting with your decision making.
• God is always available for conversation. He is an excellent listener- and he is comfortable listening to anything and everything. He also forgives anything and everything and will always love you.. and even though you may not think it at the time- so will your parents.
• Middle school and high school are some of the most difficult years in a young woman's life. No matter how it might seem- they do end and life gets much better. Popularity in school does not in any way predict success later in life- in fact most people who I have met who are both successful and fulfilled by their adult lives remember those years with a small cringe. Just remember that true strength is listening to your conscience and acting in a way that is true to yourself even when others make that difficult. The times in my life that I reflect on with the most shame are those in which I failed to do what I knew was right and instead did what I felt would help me be "accepted".

My friend Tema said:

• I think more of what to say to parents. I think of children just like I think of making sculpture. Each stone has something beautiful inside I take away the stone that is covering the beautiful figure. God has something beautiful in each person and our job as parents is to help bring out what gifts God has inside without damaging the rest of the person.

Neat stuff.
Stuff worth pondering. It gives me a vision now for .. staging, and how to approach things. I feel like it is very (very) valuable.

It is early October so hopefully we can get two blog posts in this month.

September 2010

It is "O" week for you. You know caps and lower case, all sounds, and sign language signs to from "A" to "O".

You don't show me your face much anymore. You don't look at me and smile like you used to. Those eyes full of trust .. no so much. Mom is the adult in your life - she wears the pants, she gets the smiles.

This is how you normally look at dad.

This is how you look when asked to smile.

These are not the same.

I'm failing at my new attempt at grad school. This is what is called a lose-lose-lose proposition. I can't pay my bills, spend time with wife and daughter, or get opportunity to do the same. I would cry if I could get away with it.

You don't like flying kites anymore. I think they are too complex. Grass was made to run on, not stand and hold a kite.

You are in these gymnastics-esque classes. Animal motions for toddlers, etc.. You love flapping your wings, jumping, and running around in them. You love hiking and taking hikes with mommy.

You have started having more play-dates with friends. That goes over well.

You are getting meaner and meaner to the cats. You kick them, or hit them. We are working on disciplining you .. associating a cost with the behavior .. but that is not the same as you having your heart set on loving or kindness. If you have a baby brother or sister - the moment you realize that they are going to take half of mommy and daddy's attention - what will your heart do? I hope you are loving....

You walked a mile several days ago. Toward the end you were tired, but you did it. You initiated it, and wanted to walk in the neighborhood. We drove the route and it was just over a mile by car. Not bad.

You have started throwing fits, and caterwauling to get your way. I don't know where you came up with that - but it has to go. Maybe this is the "terrible two's" that they talk about. *sigh*

Time to get back to my lose-lose-lose proposition and see if I can keep doing the same thing over and over - but somehow get different results. Wish me luck baby-girl. Even if I just get the same-old results ... at least you have rent paid, and food in your belly this month.

Aug 2010

I know it's been a while since I posted.

We went up to the mountains this weekend to enjoy the cool air.

I don't know why you have nightmares like you do.

You wake up screaming and scared so bad you are shaking.

The darkness has hunted me all of my life - I really don't want that for you.

I'm trying hard to not get fired. Trying to not die young. Trying to provide a good life for you.

How do I give you a good hope for the future?

How do I give you the best chance to be a successful person, a contributing member of society?

Working 60 hours a week for paycheck of 40 hours per week isn't doing it.

Everyone getting hired is Masters degree or higher .. I only have Bachelors.

Yeah ... I listened to my last manager who wanted to have me move up north - and got screwed.

No longer in any grad program - I reapplied to masters.

You want to fly a kite this evening. I want to help you fly it.

I will be working and then in school until 8pm, so ... not going to happen today.

How many days left until you never ask me again?

The Lord knows that I don't want to find out, I want to make the most of the time.

The Lord knows that I want to be flying kites with you when you are old.

You had fun playing with your best friend T. while we were up north.

You are so curious, so wanting to explore everything.

You know your alphabet up to the letter "K" in pictures, sounds, and sign-language. You are so smart little girl.

The world is all about potential wasted - and it wants to see greatness turned to dirt. Don't let it turn you into nothing. Don't let it destroy you.

God please keep my baby girl. Amen.

July 2010

You are two, Mathbaby.

You were reading before you were two, when you were 1.30 years old really. I am very happy with that.

You make great jokes.

When asked what is your name you say, with that cute grin "you" or "her" along with your other names. You will say "mommy, mommy" then get a big grin and say "wife". You discovered that your mathmommy has other names, like wife.

You had a fun birthday party. It was bug-themed. I tried to do a Mariposa Butterfly Fairie theme, but that didn't happen. We had fake butterfly wings .. I hope to someday give you working ones. You have wanted to fly (or be a bird) since you were 3 months old.

You opened two of your presents and were done. I love that you are not materialistic in that way, although you could likely own 20 more blankies and not have enough.

Your Godmother in NM is sick. She might be dying. We will know in a while. If she is doing better, she can meet you. If not we can go to say our goodbyes. She is a truly amazing woman, and the world is a much richer place for her having lived in it. It would be richer if there were a 10 million more people just like her in it. I spent several hours trying, and can not think of a single person that she has ever done wrong by - isn't that amazing. I can think of dozens that might have legit beef with me in the last 12 years, my friend Dave, my sibs, my mom ... I try really hard to do right by everyone but it just doesn't usually work out. I can not think of a single person that she hasn't done right by. Her name is Suzanne, and her husband is Sam.

I can't aspire to be that kind of person, but I hope you both aspire and succeed.

We now go out to the park to fly a kite. I love you mathbaby. Math-toddler now. *sigh*
You grow big so fast!

Good Moments, June 2010

Hello there Mathbaby,

You have gotten bigger. You are almost 2. You have a huge vocabulary. You communicate effectively. You have started inventing games like "hide and seek". Although others invented them, and you are re-inventing the wheel, it is amazing.

Here is a picture of you trying to write. You see your mathmommy and I writing and you want to. Your "squiggles" are amazingly like a script. You have gone through "your baby can read" and you know some words. You write letters, but you do not understand how they make words.

You are an explorer and a thinker

Some of the better moments with you have been:

• Being a "food friend" and exposing you to new, and wonderful tastes. You have more culinary courage than most 10 or 20 year olds that I know.
• having you show me and you to mathmommy with our hands in our pockets. You are so very delighted to have pockets like your mathdad.

I love your sense of humor. You learned that mathmommy and mathdaddy have different names. You will say "mommy, mommy" then smile with your impish grin, and say "wiife" because you hear your mathdad call her that. That same humor made you call yourself "you" for a while. When asked what your name was instead of saying "mathbaby, mini, or cute" you would get that same grin and semi-pause, then say "yoou".

So we are reading "outliers" by Gladwell. How do we maximize your opportunity? How do we match it to your capabilities? How do we teach you to work, as Gladwell says "very (very) hard"? Where should your 10,000 hours go in order to make you a world-class master? What should you be a master of?

I love you and I hope you have a great June.

Love, Mathdad

January 2010

Hey there Baby girl. I love you.

I have this picture as my desktop. I look into your trusting eyes... for a season I have the chance to build up your heart, and ... I work 1200 miles away from you for 5 days a week. I'm wasting this once-in-your-lifetime once-in-my-lifetime chance to be there for you.

I want to be a good daddy for you. Part of it is keeping you in food, shelter, and out of public schools. Public education in the US is a victim of "the brave new world" and the best way to destroy the potential hidden in youth.. in you. They keep you dumb. You pick up all the bad habits of your peers. Those same (dumb) peers take rulership over you as a teen and force you into all sorts of bad habits including hating your parents, education, drugs, promiscuity, ... darkness. *sigh*

Baby I miss you. You don't cry anymore when I leave on the airplane, your eyes just look sad. You are getting used to living without dad. I think that, if it isnt interrupted, that is a precedent that can last a lifetime, and touch a lifetime for the worse.

December 2009

Hey There mathbaby,

You say "beat that" often. I say back "you can't beat that." I delight in you.

Our friends suggest that we record your cute voice, because as you get older it should change. One friend with a teenage daughter says "soo skinny, soo angry!" - it would be sad if you went that way. I hope that I can be properly proud of you as long as you life.

So enough about tomorrow, what happened in december?
You saw horses, (insert picture) and went to zoolights (insert pictures).

You loved the first third of your presents, then didn't want to open any more. You were sad that we made you open the rest - you wanted to play with what you had. You are wiser than the other 330 million Americans who make Christmas a celebration of avarice, and a festival of materialistic greed. In your innocence you put us all to shame and show true greatness. I hope that your heart is