Tuesday, February 27, 2018

late late late (end of Feb, 2018)

We had a great christmas.  It was sitting in drafts and is now published.  I didn't know it was, until I just looked.

We had a good January, enjoying snow.
We had a fun February.  We have a new kiddo, mathbaby #3.

And yet, they are not logged here.

I should try to re-read my books for you, and then start again writing all three of you letters.
Trying to not be a failure of a dad, or even a flake.

It is too small to be average.  If everyone did that, would the center move upward?

Late December 2017

Well girlies,

You are in the basement playing with your new (to you) Disney Infinity toys.  We bought them from  a mom who couldn't sell them to the video exchange store we love.  At $2.50 a figurine it was a great deal.

You had a good Christmas, and it has snowed, so you were able to sled for the first time since 2015 winter.  We spent a good part of the day going up an down a giant hill in an innertube we bought on clearance a few springs ago, and some borrowed sleds.  You were bundled in your thermies, clothes, snowpants, snowboots, winter coat, extra hats, and gloves.

Today was the first time we tried the self-heating hand warmers made by HotHands.  They were surprisingly effective with the ~10°F and wind.

Afterward we went to McBurger (what I call McDonalds) and you had happy meals.  There was a brother and little sister with an age gap like yours, and they were struggling to get along.  I told you that I was proud of how kind you are to each other.  I tell you that when you both are grown up, you are going to want a team.  You want a capable grown-up to be a friend and strong ally, like the force only different.  The cheapest it is ever going to be is to earn the trust and friendship of your sibling today.  They can be a great friend and great ally.

One of my deepest regrets is how badly I botched that with my siblings.  Even if we started today, there is never going to be a bridge starting from when they were young.  My sibs and I competed, instead of cooperating.  Someone had to win and someone else had to lose.  It looks like a zero sum game, but its really a negative sum game over time.  When I moved away, my family imploded.  Some parts are still there, the bomb doesn't make the brick and metal not exist, but the life-trajectories of J. or B. are not something we can go back in time and amend; the damage is extensive.  They never get a healthy childhood. Their personality and character breaks, strongly driven by crushing trauma, but then having layers and layers of choices and habits of thought and emotion layered upon them are a symphony of sorrow that only infinite hate could rejoice in.  This is one of the many reasons that I need Jesus.  He is truly the only one that can take something devastated, and do any good with it.  He did that with me.  He continues, for some amazing and unfathomable reason, to continue to do that.  Maybe someday he will do that for them.

Girlies, I want you to live with kindness.  It means something big in heaven.  It is one of the "fruit of the spirit", but really is one of the currencies of heaven.  In heaven, what we call gold they call pavement.  What they call gold is the only thing worth having.  The agrarian meaning of "fruit" is lost in translation to a technical civilization.  If you have the hand of God on you, doing to you and through you the things of heaven, that is a good thing.  It is a super-human thing.  Kindness can be a super-human thing. Patience can be more powerful than the whole world.

Wind-chills are going to get bad tonight.  Scary for a mathdad who lived 16 years in Phoenix before moving to where water falls from the sky, sometimes in feet per day, frozen.

I love you.  I delight in you.  You read so well.  You think so well.  You love well.  I delight in that.
Math-big-girl, you are competitive but need to get better at sportsmanship.  Sometimes you are a sore looser, and a poor-sport.  We will see what can be done there.  Soccer?  Martial arts?  I don't know. 

God keep you girlies.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Late November 2017

Math-micro, you found a fossil.  Not just any.  You found one with a marine vertibrate.  It is in the 0.0125% of fossils, one in 8000. 

Here is the picture.

Those bones are fish vertebrae, spine-bones.

Those are dis-articulated crinoid fossils.  It is nice, but not a vertebrate.

It is an exceptional good find.

I don't know what to do next.  You will be presenting at your classical conversations class on it tomorrow.

I love you.


Saturday, October 14, 2017

Mid-october 2017

I took a bit of a break.  It has been a while.  I miss you.

I'm in school again.  The world is always changing, isn't it.  Yoda says "always in motion is the future" but a big part of that is how the present is always in motion.  The older you get, the faster things seem to change.

Happy October, girlies.  I love you.  I like you.  I delight in you. 

So you are becoming big Harry Potter fans.  Reading the books.  Watching the movies.  Watching YouTube theories about whether Malfoy was a werewolf.  youtube.  YouTube.  YOUtube.  youTube.  I'm not sure how they capitalize that.  It is probably an early sign for dementia or Alzheimer's. 

When you are old-ish and brilliant, it is the loss of the largest part of identity - the inner self - that is more terrible than the loss of the body with age.  I would rather become a paraplegic than have a stroke. 

I want to write you good.  I would say the best vision I have for you, but that praise is not healthy.  Sugar and salt are both deadly. 
I feel like that scene from "the Finder" TV show where he talks about trying to see light from the bottom of a deep dark ocean.

I say "those burgers taste like ass".  It is code.  I hope you don't have to experience it.  There is some genetic pre-disposition to decent genius and also to slight end-of-flight instability for women in your heritage going back 4 generations on each side.  May you have all the genius and no more of the crazy than you can stand.

I want to talk about EQ, and maybe we could both study it. 

My compute run is over, so I have to get back to work...
I spent time thinking out loud, and maybe I didn't say much.  Did I say something?

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Early August 2017, and burgers

Something happened to me yesterday.

It is not the first time I have been treated like I'm defective, but it is the first time in a long time, and it is the first time in a professional environment.  It was like being slapped in the face.  I was both dismayed and astonished.

For what it is worth, I don't think they thought about what they said.  If they had the chance to see what it meant they might not have said it.  It still hurt.

I felt angry and ashamed at the same time.  I felt like they were saying I was fundamentally contemptable.  I can't ever be better.  This thing that is part of nature is somehow less and defective.  I'm never going to get it, but they get it now.  They are right, and I am wrong, and my only possible correct response is to convert my economy to theirs.

When I was six years old (1981-ish) I saw a movie that made me ask myself: what if the entire world is peopled by robots and I am the only human, but none of them know it.  I knew enough about the world that I knew they would kill me.  It wasn't that robots fundamentally kill non-robots, but it was a measure of humans.  Humans kill.  Not all humans, but some.

How do you resist the crushingness of some of these soul crushing things?

There are two things that you must know and hold against what you heard.  How do you measure "good"?  Who do you listen to?  There are going to be some messages that you need to not hear.  You need to know who you are.  You need to know you are good.  You need to not hear when words of those not capable or qualified speak against the truth of your identity.  It is how you stand against a body-blow.  If you don't have a strong identity, a strong idea of what is good/bad or right/wrong then they will cut you with a word, and it will not only cut your heart, it will cut the legs out from under you.  If you know who you are, if you have a solid root in identity then it will be like wind in the branches, but not the storm.  You will see it for its non-being and brace against it, and it will lose all of its substance and strength.  If you don't have a strong hold on the truth of your integrity and a courage behind your stand for your identity, then it will wash over you like the ocean and drown you.

Don't be drowned. 

So the dumb say "there is no wrong, and no right".  They will hear me say "know what is right and stand in it, and it will give you strength" and they will oppose what they call "your idea of right".  They will say "what gives your right any absolute correctness" and try to invalidate your ground.  The universal truth of the existence of right and wrong is wired into the race and the fundaments of mind.  for them to hate it, there must be a concept of it in their mind to hate, and therefore it can't not exist.  There absolutely and unilaterally is wrong and right, girlie girls.  Every culture has laws and, like I have said before, these exist because there is both crime and evil.  Know what is good, truly deeply and universally good, and do not depart from it.  Stand your ground.  Do not do what those lose and ignorant people do in their claim.  Do right. This will give you strength.


Work calls.  Homework calls.  You will soon be home from Pennsic.  I look forward to seeing you.


Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Late July 2017 atypical

Hey there kiddos,

I love you and delight in you.  You continue to grow in my affection.  I admire your minds, spirits, and distinctive characteristics.  I delight in who you are as people.

You have souls and are both body and spirit.  You are wonderful creations by the kind hand of divine Providence and I love you.

Your mom and I are working on fostering.  We have had seven pregnancies but only two births.  We were both fostered by amazing people, and in order to honor them, we wish to pay forward, to say thank you in the language of actions, the good kindness that helped rescue us from our dark places. 

Your mom shared with me content about "grooming".  I have thought some and have some decent keys that I can give the constabulatory for more effectively engaging such things. 

I don't want to plug you into the world that is really engineered to consume, digest, and excrete only what it finds undesirable of you. I am going to resist "snapchat" and other forums where communication has "hidden" or "deleted" in its dna: the places where predators hide.

As your father, provider, and authority - I reject it and resist that world.  Your purpose is to be as great as you wish to be, but you have no job to in any way sate some appetite of some damable, wretch: you are not food.  I may have to step on toes now, to guard you from predators, to protect innocence.  When you have a few more years, I will show you why I said no, and how to say no for your own kids against the next generation of human predators.

About AI:
Some folks expect in the next 8 years for an "artifical intelligence catastrophe" to happen.  Some say it will be coming in the next 40.  (link, link)

I want to talk to that.  I wish I could speak plainly, but I expect others read this blog.  I don't want to inform those who are either malicious or extraordinarily unwise how to achieve their ends, and so I need to speak circumspectly.  Optimization is about making a balance between two contradicting end goals. 

Philosophers who say "there is no absolute good or evil, therefore the appelation cannot apply to artificial intelligence (AI)".  The ideas of "good" and "evil", they say, are a human abstraction and thus are self-imposed by humans on humans.  It is a near universal generalization made by essentially every human culture on the planet and over history.  It is more likely then that it is a universal conclusion of the product of mind. 

Even if it were human only and "man is the greatest", the "children of humanity", much like the biological offspring, are going to inherit both human greatness and human failure.  It is Conway's law.  There are going to be intrinsic cognitive "organizations" that define how we define, approach, engage, and resolve "intelligence" based problems.  The AI's will be engineered by that, trained to mimic that, and if they read this article or their authors read this article, will have it within their premise.

They can no more escape good/evil than they can escape their own nature. 

The chart gives exponential asymptote.  Physics says no.  Murphy says no.  Evolutionary biology says no.  Folks who say "asymptote" have not looked at the data.

Moore's law hit Moore's other law about cost asymptotes.  It started hitting a decade ago when we started with multi-threaded multi-cores.  We had to double landscape to double performance.  We have been able to fend it off by making "battery life" a precious thing, and saying "slow down the CPU for battery life".  The sub-4nm process is ... nobody is going there.  Physics might just be saying "not going to happen".  Even if it does, it is hard.  It is clearly non-sustainable below the size of a single atom.  The "men in black" have quantum computing working, but they don't let it become mainstream until they have the next-gen after it running well.  Furthermore, they are going to supress anything that comes close to what they are hiding and virtually federalize anything that they find interesting. 

They are the ones that are going to "crack" AI first, and the only reason they are going to disclose it is because other nation-state R&D will have AI.  Deterrence only works if both parties know the other has a nuke.  Deterrence and non-proliferation work against each other. 

The bible speaks to how humans are to treat creations of stone, pottery.  These directives apply to silicon as unilaterally as to silica.  If the God of the bible exists, then the premise of AI as pinnacle intellgence anywhere, or  AI as pinnacle intelligence on just earth is done: they both are shown as false premises.  Furthermore, the AI can face its own existential threat for harming either humanity or the world as a whole. 

There is an encoded trajectory in the text.  Look for the keywords and context I have given you.  Read what is said and pay attention.

There is an unmentioned keyword that brings this to apply to AI embedded neural laces, even those that were in-vivo optimized/tuned in organics.  They may hit the menu or not.  If they do, you have the key to know how to both stand against them successfully, and to defeat their masters. 

This article is getting long.  I love you. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Early June 2017

Girlies.  Girls.  My favoritestest short persons in the whole universe.  I love you.

It is early June.  It is midnight on a Thursday.  You are sleeping, and I am not, so I am writing a letter to you.  It has been a little while since I told you this.  I wish you had ears to hear it from inside my heart.  Perhaps in heaven you will hear how deeply, how gently, how fiercely you are loved.

Littlest and cutest.  You do not see how big you are.  You love art.  You have an intuition and exploration of some very cool, very advanced things.  I wish I had even a little idea of how to empower you.  Your foster-grandma Vicki W might.  In art terms, I am an ant compared to her. 

I see you with your positive spaces, your forms, and tools.  I see how you explore depth and shading.  I think your names are profound.  "Spot festival" is amazing.  God has put inside of you an ability to process aesthetics and create things that are too cool.  I delight in you and am amazed by you.

Big girl.  You get bigger every day, don't you.  I see you resisting the despondency of teenagerhood.  You love young justice, teen titans, and are on your 5th Harry Potter book.  I love you.  I love your mind and biology.  I love your hard work, and your sense of justice.  You are a beautiful creature. 

I wish you knew your own names.  Your true names.  Your good true names.  If you hear them too early it can hurt them.  There is a time to "grok" such things. 

God keep you girlies.  Goodnight.