Wednesday, March 5, 2014

So your Auntie-Bee said...

Hey there.

Your auntie drives me to work two days a week.

She recently said
"someday your daughter is going to be living this song".

And I was like "what, huh, what song".  

This is the song: and it is by the band Play

Here are the lyrics of relevance, I think:
Won't someone tell me what is happening to me
Why am I so misunderstood
Why can't they see
Now I'm caught between the devil and the angel
That I used to be

They say I'll understand it all in good time
But age ain't nothin' but a number in my mind
Goin' crazy with this push me pull me
Caught between wrong and right

I wanna give in to the woman in me
I wanna be someone they don't want me to be
The moral of the story is I got no choice
I must not chase the boys

So it is a confession.  It is your auntie saying that she was there, that your cousins were there.  
It is also a warning.

You are half way to where they go to eat you.  They change you from a person to throwing you into a gladiatorial ring to go feral.  They want to make you bleed.  If they can keep you in that cage long enough, you will want to make people bleed.

Sad and scary seasons are coming for both of us, kiddo.  If we had what looked like a brain, or some good game theory then maybe we might formulate an approach, and have a strategy in which we can have nonzero confidence.  I want a strategy like that.  A lot.

When I hear things like this, and ponder them, it makes a bat-mitzvah or its cultural equivalent seem like a funeral for the little girl I know and love right now.  The idea of her really being gone forever and something else that grew in her - some alien seed - makes me tear up and want to cry.  

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