So we were talking about the Clone Wars episode "Duel of the Droids" where R2-D2 battles it out against the evil R3-S6. (link) Anakin never liked R3, and I suggested it was because of "gut".
I tried to talk with you about two very hard things, but very valuable things:
- You need to know how to "hear" your gut
- You need to know when you can trust your gut.
First I said, look at that star, then touch your eyelid. Now realize that your finger touching your eye is on the other side of the star. The world you perceive is internal to you, and is not the same thing as the real world. When your heart "breaks" I am not refering to the muscle in the real world, but the emotional center you associate with it in your perceptual world. In the same way that the muscular pump is not the same as an emotional center, but they have similar designators between the two world, the "gut" is not the digestive/absorbtion tubes in your bowels, but is a different center in your perceived self.
I think that Anakin had a gut-feel about R3, but didn't know how to trust his gut, or even to recognize when it was speaking to him.
I had your mathmommy tell you two things: once when she ignored what she heard, and once when she listened. That gut will keep you out of trouble, and when it speaks loudly then the trouble is deep. You wanted to know the particulars of how those boys hurt your 17 year old mom, but telling you those details too young will compromise your innocence. One of her friends from high school was trying to do something evil to the adult her, but she listened to her gut and even though there was no reason to avoid that person she did so - and so cleanly sidestepped all the ugly. Some day I will tell you about my versions of those.
So I watched this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjMqMLZIt30
I think that reading the book and watching the movie might be a good thing. Life is short. Your choices make it meaningful. Wasted opportunity is one of the great sins. I want you to be able to make great choices and to be able to make the most of your opportunities. Seriously - my eyes are tearing up.
I love you.