I had dreams/nightmares from Ready Player One last night. I dreamed that someone in an avatar like Kali, and someone in an avatar like "Aech" were trying to destroy my world. It was no fun. Looks don't make destruction any less painful. I think that I'm thinking about yesterday. Yesterday was hard, and I think it is dangerous to talk too much about it on a public forum because folks who don't take the time to understand, who want to cause some sort of harm, might manipulate my words badly, and use them against me later on.
Let's talk about something else.
Someone up-voted one of the better, harder, posts that I've made on parenting.stackexchange.com.
https://parenting.stackexchange.com/questions/22370/how-can-i-become-part-of-my-daughters-life-again/22381#22381 . I wanted to share it on the Parenting forum within Yammer at my work, but I'm afraid that when people find out about the excrement I have had to walk through in my life, they look at me like I'm covered in poop, and it compromises friendships and community. I'm a survivor, not a victim, yet the culture isn't capable of looking at what I survived and thinking it tainted me. I had no choice about going through it, I was a kid. That is shame.
Can I share about some, what seem to be pretty good ideas? Here you go:
When you finally read these, assuming they last, I don't know if youtube or the videos will be around. I hope they will, but only God owns the future.
Biggest mathgirl. I'm about to wake you up, kiss your cheek, and say happy birthday. I really should have woken you and middlest mathgirl up at like 6am on your respective birthdays and took you to breakfast. I might try that this weekend. I feel like I missed that this year. We did it last year and you both loved it. The littlest mathgirl is still just a few months old, and can't yet appreciate such things.
Littlest mathgirl, our little Valentina, you are getting big. You smile and fuss, and you coo (that is what they call the making baby noises trying to figure out speech). You are learning to articulate your hands, and control their positioning. You support your bottle, and sometimes you push it out of your mouth mid-drink, and get angry at yourself. You still sneeze a lot. I installed a new activated carbon air filter. I'm tempted to get a section installed in our AC that allows 3" filters instead of just 1" ones.
We sold the Phoenix house, and made nothing on it. Paid 10 years, bought right before the 2008 crash, and have nothing to show for it except a deep sense of relief to not be there. Never buy a home when you are "nesting". Never let someone falsely tell you it is a "good investment". If they use a period of time under the life of the loan you are going to have to get to argue about value, then they aren't being fair. Salesfolks can skew the facts in order to make a profit.
I have to get to work. They don't pay me to not work. I'm trying to change the world for the better, but it is hard.
God keep you all three. God bless you and God keep you. May he bless your going in, and your coming out, and along the road you walk. May he bless your rising up and your laying down. May he bless you in evening, and night, and morning. God bless you my loves, and God keep you.