Sunday, February 21, 2016

At library working .. again (Feb 2016)

Hello mathgirlies,

I am working again on project, and you are out and about.

I just had an interaction with an in-company recruiter.  I periodically get pings for "are you interested in this position" from recruiters.  I need to stay current in my field, and I am a bit of an oddball, so l don't fit cleanly in "buckets".  They ask questions.  It is win-win because I get to learn who they think I am, and they get clarification on who they think I am. 

This recruiter judged me.  Every recruiter has to.  At the end of an interaction all the resume's but one get to go in the same (round) file.  To put it in the round, or non-round file takes a judgment.  Even if they were dealing with fog of war there would be a judgment against a random number.

It was a bad match.  I'm glad that the interaction is over.  There is part of me that says "I should win every war, climb every mountain, and always be first".  Pride perhaps?  Vanity?  Self esteem?  I am relieved and unhappy at the same time.  Perhaps that is what growth feels like? 

It is cliche, but you are going to be judged by everyone you ever meet.  They are going to decide if you are "in or out", "pretty or not",  "good or bad".  If you ever serve on a jury then you and some number of your peers are going to find whether someone is "guilty or not guilty".

How do I coach you here?  What does success mean, and how do you make something of it?  Best doesn't mean anything without context.  If you break a just law, then you should be found guilty, right?  If you break an unjust law, what then?  What are the just and unjust laws in all the places in life where you might walk?  Enumerating them is the job of next generation AI's, assuming they get to exist.

I would like to think, I hope, and it is part of my duty as a dad and human to do what I can to assure that, your character as an adult will be as noble and excellent as possible.  If there is a question on your motive to ask, the answer, will likely be inflexible by the time you are an adult.  For this reason, the best I can do is encourage you to spend some time in reflection and solitude with the hard working action of pursuing clarity in your own mind and heart about why you are doing what you are doing.  I think, or would like to think, that given a clear image of the motives, you will change your actions to be the best they can be.

Even now, brief moments after the interaction, the feelings and reality about it are becoming fuzzy, like the one-ring cooling, and the initial impetus for the letter is diminishing.  I love you and want you to be successful.  There are going to be seasons of pain, and some of them are universal.  Nobody gets to avoid them.  Others are driven by your choices, and I would like to think you can choose the best ones.  Sometimes it is a bigger pain to suffer a small contempt than to compromise your integrity in falsely representing yourself.


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